Really Bad Copy

This writer should be shot, drawn and quartered. Or at least left to drown in cough syrup.

‎"Play a lead role in working with the digital agency to execute the communications strategy, taking into consideration cross-touchpoint integration to ensure that the synergies between the touchpoints are fully leveraged."

As a friend of mine says, “Someone tell me what the fuck does everything after the comma mean? Sorry but my communications skills are unable to decipher such gibberish. Guess my touchpoints aren't fully synergised. Oh well.”

Read also: Pet Peeves, Words I Mislike

Don’t Reply to All, Please

I’ve recently received an email blast on Spa Sauvignon’s latest promotions. Normally, I’ll just trash it.

This isn’t a negative indication of their massages – they’re really good and oh-so-relaxing – but of their email marketing tactics and know-how.

In this email blast, instead of hiding their email list addresses in the BCC field, they’ve left it out in the open in the email’s CC field.

Still not a big deal…that is until some fool Replied to All with an “UNSUBSCRIBE ME” email.

Naturally everyone got that email, which led to a flood of “UNSUBSCRIBE  ME” email spam from folks who don’t know how email lists work.

What is an Email List?

Email lists are placeholder email addresses that point to a list of email addresses. It’s like chucking a bunch of email addresses onto the email fields, but cleaner and neater.

So if you reply to an email list, everyone who’s on that list will get YOUR reply.

This simple type-type-type, Reply All action led to said flood of “UNSUBSCRIBE  ME” and attendant "Screw you! Don’t spam me!“ and “Don’t reply ALL” emails over seven days.

It’s annoying as heck and Spa Sauvignon should be responsible for their small (but impactful) email marketing oversight. But really, these “dumbass, soft-in-the-head” customers have to differentiate between bots, spammers and email lists.

Hopefully I’ve done that with this post. 

So don’t reply all, please. Just reply to sender. Or better yet, let it die quietly… like you should as well.

Editing Epic FAIL: It Ain’t Right

A letter writer to The Straits Times Forum had his letter entirely edited, and reorganised (“Towards a Native Democracy” at ST Forum).

The dude complains that the meaning of his letter was changed by the edits. Which is kind true upon comparing the original (“A young first-time voter's view of the General Election” at TODAY) with the edited letter – an entirely rewritten piece that’s more forgiving and vague than the original.

But if you read it closely, you’ll see that the meaning really doesn’t change. But it’s been so obfuscated that it seems different (that’s the problem with condensing information –you lose detail).

Rationalisations aside, why did the editor cut, paste, slice and dice the poor writer’s letter into something else? That’s just bad form and if the ST Forum editors get ass-reamed for it, well, they had just bent over for your convenience.

And what the heck is a “first world parliament”?

Nah. The original versus the edited

A young first-time voter's view of the General Election by Chua Sheng Yang It is undeniable that the Government has done an amazing job in raising Singapore to the status of a first-world country in a short space of 40 years and that they continue to implement sound policies to ensure the economic engine drives us forward. However, there is always the danger that the overemphasis on policies designed to fuel economic growth could result in the sidelining of policies that might improve the welfare of citizens at the expense of growth. (As one participant at a recent forum with the Prime Minister put it, Singaporeans no longer just want a competent Government but also one that shows empathy.) This scenario is more plausible should a "group-think" mentality emerge within the Government, with no Opposition voices to provide a different perspective. It is interesting to note that of the new PAP candidates introduced, few felt that any policies needed review or change, despite many Singaporeans having recently raised numerous issues affecting our lives. Does this suggest that, if elected, they would vote along party lines instead of what they personally believe to be in the best interest of their constituents? Or do they think that the Government is doing a perfect job without room for improvement? Either way, both scenarios could have negative implications for the country. The detractors of a two-party system are right in saying that it can lead to an inefficient system of government, where differences in ideology result in an impotent Parliament. I personally have been a strong opponent of two-party systems as implemented in the West. I feel this is where Singaporeans need to define the two-party system some say they want. It is not unthinkable that a two-party system can result in cooperation between both parties to achieve the best result for Singapore, if Singaporeans make it clear that is what they want from their political system. As a young Singaporean likely to have the opportunity to vote for the first time and have an impact my country's future, I have paid close attention to the candidates unveiled by each political party. While the PAP has revealed candidates of unquestionable pedigree, both in terms of educational background and careers, the nagging feeling remains that they are candidates I cannot fully identify with. Would they be able to identify with my concerns on the cost of housing, transportation and the general cost of living? For example, one candidate remarked that lowering public transport fares could lead to the operators being unable to cover operating costs, as is the case in many countries where transportation is subsidised. Yet the company he mentioned reported a net profit last year of more than S$50 million. Perhaps as a layman, I cannot understand the intricacies of finance. On the other hand, the Opposition has revealed a slew of candidates comprising Singaporeans from all walks of life and ones that I can identify with more closely. Yet internal strife dogs the parties and they seem unable to coordinate their efforts to run an effective election at the moment, with disputes over how to carve up the battleground. A more unified approach, such as each party contributing one member each to run in a GRC, would appeal more. However, such thinking is simplistic given the many different political agendas. Another concern is the repeated caveats by the Opposition that they are not yet ready to govern, which causes people to hesitate in voting for them as they do not want an unexpected election result where the Opposition is put into power. Either way, this is shaping up to be a watershed election that I am eagerly looking forward to. This Today reader is a 31-year-old management consultant and a voter in Yuhua. from TODAY

 

Towards a native democracy A TWO-PARTY system can lead to an inefficient system of government where ideological differences result in an impotent Parliament ('WP's fictional First World Parliament' by People's Action Party MP Indranee Rajah'; yesterday). I firmly oppose Western-style two-party systems, but we must define the system of democracy we want by being selective of MPs. We should define how we want our electoral system to work. It is not unthinkable that a two-party system can result in inter-party cooperation to achieve what's best for Singapore, if we make it clear that is what we want. While the Government has done an amazing job in raising Singapore to First World status within a short span of some 40 years, and continues to implement sound policies that drive us forward, we should not assume that the Government can do no wrong and that all policies will always lead to public good. The latter is even more plausible if a group-think mentality emerges within the Government, with no opposition voices to provide a different perspective. For instance, few of the new PAP candidates felt that any of our policies needed review or change, despite many Singaporeans having recently raised many livelihood issues. If elected, will PAP newbies vote along party lines instead of their personal convictions about what's best? Or do they think that the Government is doing a perfect job and has no room for improvement? Either way, both scenarios may have negative national implications. It is not desirable to have an antagonistic opposition whose main aim is to prevent the functioning of government. I hope Singapore's system can evolve so that the opposition serves to provide valuable input on policies in the public interest - and that such input will be seriously considered by the Government instead of being dismissed out of hand. Hopefully, we will make fact out of fiction and develop our own version of a First World Parliament that will benefit the world as well. Chua Sheng Yang from ST Forum

Obituary: Grandfather

He died relatively quick, after 1 month of sleeping in the hospital. That’s a lot better than my grandmother.

We Can, Singapore

Every so often, we bash Singapore and Singaporeans with incredible amounts of vitriol. Just read the comments in The Online Citizen.

From wn.com

I’m guilty of that as well.

But every so often, I come across posts that talk about the good things in Singapore. Most of it is written by expats – I can see your eyes roll up already –, but there are truths in them and I’m struck by how we take it all for granted.

Here’s an example:

- 3$ lunches that don't include hotdogs

- dragonboating OUTSIDE all year round

- perma-tan

- affordable massages

- taxi uncle talks

- "can" and "cannot"

- "hmmm...it's a long weekend, where should I fly to? The beach, the jungle, a cool Asian city..."

Yes, this little red dot (and sometimes her leaders) could do things better, but let’s not can ourselves, can?

Source: Things I will miss about Singapore when I move back to Canada

What Am I?

Originally I thought of this blog as a repository for my travel and food jaunts. Geez, it’s changed into an exercise diary with bits of stuff on the side.

I think it’s time to give this blog a little shake up, although I’m not sure what to turn it into.

Photo from eschipul

What am I, really?

A Rant: Why not?

I asked a question.

And got back “Why not?” as a reply.

I wanted answers, reasons, and a conversation, instead I get: “Why not?”. No doubt the answerer thought he was being cheeky and smart and mysterious. At that point in time, I ranked those two words amongst being inundated by locusts and blood plagues.

So why not use “Why not?”? Because it’s insolent and, lord of all nonsense and stupidity, a conversation killer.

There are better ways to be smart. Like…

• “Because it’s there.”: Pay homage to mountaineers and people  who do crazy but WOW things.
• “I’ve never done it before”: You’re open to trying new things. Interesting.
• “Why do you think I do it?”: Throw the ball back in my court. Get me seeing it from your perspective.
• “Why shouldn’t I do it?”: Ask for a contradictory stance. A challenge that’s less insulting than Why Not?

Of course, these are simply suggestions. But if you’re aiming to be less of a mysterious dick, well then, why not?

Parkour: Why Do It?

“If I’m looking at a jump and my heart’s racing, I don’t enjoy that feeling. I enjoy standing there, looking at that gap and feeling calm…”

Well said, Mr Tim Shieff.

I first saw this video at http://rosstraining.com/blog/2011/02/02/imagination-is-everything/

A Fine Way to be Punctual

Charge them for lateness.

Like this PAP Kindergarten report by The Temasek Review which fines parents $2 for every five minutes that they are late to pick up their princes and princesses.

Here’s the notice pasted below.

I like this idea.

Singaporeans are afflicted with Chronic Lateness Syndrome. They’ll waltz in 10, maybe 20 minutes late – if you’re lucky. But being tardy an hour or three is often the case. Accompanying this lateness is a barrage of excuses ranging from: “my cat just jumped out of the window.” to “I got lost [even though they stay in the next block].” All promptly thought up and delivered in your face when a phone call (before the stars came out) would have been much appreciated.

The post’s comments rage and rant at the inhumanity (oh’ the inhumanity of it all!). Admittedly there are germs of truth. But by and large, the commenters are morons.

Would you be late for meetings or deadlines or surgery? I believe not. It’s all about making time and knowing how much time you need for each task. So please, be on time. Be a good example to your kids. After all, you wouldn’t want them to be late for life, would you?

If you think that’s not doable, read Paul Shankman’s post on Top Five Ways to Be Taken Seriously – Timing Edition. It’s a must-read for any tardy fool.

Buzz: Be Controversial, Be an Ass like Kenneth Tong

Mr Kenneth Tong is an ass.

The rich kid, self-proclaimed playboy from Hong Kong has been prompting a weight loss campaign known as “Managed Anorexia”. To help women (and possibly a few men) achieve that pipe dream, Tong has created a Size Zero pill (there’s actually a size zero!) for ladies to pop, binge and purge until they’re stick thin like Victoria’s Secrets Models.

Read “Become Perfect By Following Exciting New ‘Managed Anorexia’ Plan” at Jezebel.com for more information.

Ouch.

My ears ring from womenfolk’s collective wails and howls. They are rightfully indignant about Tong’s campaign. More importantly his campaign has made waves on Twitter, in British newspapers and blogs. And it has garnered this slacker quite of bit of attention and hate.

Johann Hari’s interview with Kenneth Tong is brilliant.

Naturally “Managed Anorexia” is a hoax – according to Tong. He has retracted his claims on his Twitter page (I will not link to this Twit). He tweeted:

I think it is time for to come clean. The whole size zero thing is a hoax. It came about after an interesting discussion I had with a friend of mine. The discussion centered round whether it was possible, to go from nowhere to be a globally recognized figure within a week harnessing the power of the internet and specifically Twitter, which I have always maintained is a better medium than national TV. My friend said it wasn’t possible. I said it was. To prove him wrong, I decided as a hoax to promote via Twitter something that was universally appalling, I chose managed anorexia. I would like to make it clear, I chose the subject as a hoax as I knew it’d be appalling to men and women. The campaign has worked; I have been a Trending topic on Twitter for over a week. I am scheduled to appear on TV, the Press and Radio shows, over the course of the next week: Grazia, Telegraph, The Sun, The Sunday Times etc. Now it’s time to come clean and stop the bandwagon. My honest personal opinion on managed anorexia is it is an disgusting and illogical idea. It is a mental illness. It cannot be managed. To all the people I have offended as part of this scientific experiment, I would like to apologize to you and to show my sincerity I will making a sizeable donation to beat: the leading UK charity for people with eating disorders and their families. Furthermore, I have decided to auction my custom Apple iPod Nano watch on Ebay, the proceeds from this will be going to the charity, beat.

Wah piang. Can’t he be succinct?

What caught my eye was: “whether it was possible, to go from nowhere to be a globally recognized figure within a week harnessing the power of the internet and specifically Twitter…”

Tong has certainly achieved his aims, and a number of women Twitterers (according to Jezebel’s article) advocate his messages. So it got me thinking about how he created buzzzzzz:

1. The twit used a taboo subject (anorexia) and gave it a new spin
2. He created tweets that used peer pressure (you know how it feels if you were told that you were useless) and promised a solution
3. People loathed it, but they retweeted him to their friends

Controversy will always garner attention. But what are you going to do with all that attention, Mr Tong?

Pet Peeve: Words I Mislike

“Mislike” is a mis-spelling, but it works when used like so…

"I am no steward, O King. And I mislike summonings" – Dream, Sandman #50

It’s an epiphany how a mis-spelled word can make that pale-faced bastard more aloof than he already is. It’s simply brilliant. Sadly, the rest of us have to rely on the trite and tested:

“We must have a holistic mindset.”

“What’s your value chain proposition?”

“Let’s spearhead this initiative by...”

“There’s a disconnect with what you want and what I want.”

“We want you to make value-added contributions.”

“We are entering a new phase, a true paradigm shift, where we are going to leverage knowledge management as our secret sauce to re-align our market share with high impact customer-centric services exceeding industry benchmarks proactively to ensure future sustainability and top line revenue growth.”

Oww… I just heard my brain go pop at the last trite and tested example.  

And contributed by @smithankyou

"Duh"

" I told you already"

"Whatever"

These are my peeves. Why not just say things simply without resulting to linguistic acrobatics? (I suspect these words mask something sinister.)  But the world goes on, and we still use these silly terms. Applicant.com has a nice glossary of words that we hate.

Whatever!

Discipline

I wanted to give up.

Say “Fuck it” and trudge home. After all, I had run up and down the slope twice, and I had ran 1.5km to get to the slope.

My lungs were bursting. My knee complained. My abs shivered from fatigue. So “fuck it”, I’m walking home through short cuts and the short way. But if I did it once, I know I’ll stop when my lungs, knee, abs and hamstrings hurt. So I carried on and ran my way home from the slope past restaurants at Greenwood Avenue, up another slope and down again to the cross junction.

Why carry on?

Two reasons: Discipline; Preparation.

After all, talent without discipline to shape it becomes wasted potential; and harder I prepare, the easier it’ll be come crunch time.

That encapsulates Michael Jordan’s philosophy: train so hard that it would be easy on the basketball court. Similarly Blake Griffin takes part in an incredibly brutal training, and why?

"To do this stuff day after day, it wears on you mentally," Matrisciano said. "That's part of it. To go on the basketball court will be nothing for these guys. They will mentally adapt to it.

That’s why I run up slopes and then run back home. Not trudge back via a shortcut. And that’s discipline.

The best commercials

Damn fine list of commercials over at Yahoo!.

I like Old Spice, Betty White, Kevin Bacon, Ken Jeong, and this amazing wear your seatbelt ad that doesn’t rely on scare tactics.

What’s your favourite ad of the year?

Social Browsers

We use browsers to read news, surf for images, watch videos, and chat with friends. But the browser is changing.

Firefox has its add ons (Echofon, Hootsuite, Fireshot) which do all sorts of funky things. But there’s a brand new breed of browsers – the social browser. They’re purported to be built entirely around social networks like Facebook, Twitter, and RSS feeds.

Take RockMelt for instance.  This social browser, according the folks at Engadget:

…the left edge integrates your Facebook friends so you can chat, send messages or check out status updates no matter what site you're visiting. (Oddly, there doesn't seem to be a way to poke from the interface! Blasphemy!)

 

The right column is meant for Twitter and RSS feeds -- both are updated in the background and use "push notifications" to let you know how many unread messages or posts you've got piling up.

 

You can update your statuses from both rails as well as share the site you are reading by just hitting the large share button to the left of the search bar.

Checking the Google results for social browsers shows that RockMelt’s just the tip of the internet-berg. There’s Flock, Cruz, and Fizzik. While they’re mostly in the beta stages, these browsers might just be it for our social generation.

Would you use them?

I’ll leave y’all with promo videos from the companies.

Interview with RockMelt founders

Five trucks to fix a telephone cable

My internet’s been wonky for the last month. Turns out that it’s the fault of an external cable that runs from under the paved road to University Road.

It took five calls, a whole bunch of fixit and maintenance men, five SingTel trucks, and a stoppage in the middle for them to investigate an underground cable…and I don’t even know if the problem’s going to be solved yet.

But such a large turnout for a wear-and-tear problem?

That’s just massively cool.  Kudos to the guys on making our cables reliable for Facebook, Email, and of course porn (Work comes in a close fourth).

Cheers!

Update: After three hours, five friends, opening lobangs [manholes], and threading a cable under the paved road. They’ve fixed it! I got my phoneline back! W00t! Thanks cable guys…that was great work!

Of Wanderlust: Out into the world again

Brad Newsham, author of "Take Me With You: A Round-the-World Journey to Invite a Stranger Home", wrote that he would get home from a travelling stint, get a job and live the routine life…for a while.

After years of it, he’d get antsy and bothered and cranky; so much so that he knew that it was time to get out into the world again. 

It’s like that now.

I’ve written/videoed/social-media-ed freelance  for over a year now. I’ve been a travel writer, magazine writer, website writer, social media dude, and video guy. I love the challenges that come my way, and marrying technology with creative editorial and images.

From Travelpod

But despite it all, life has gotten humdrum.

I wake, I shuffle to toilet, and typpity-type stories into my computer three inches from the toilet door. It’s gotten so much so that I’m antsy and uncharitable towards other human beans (sorry…beings), and somehow blunted my creative edge.

Friends say that it’s my natural state to be anti-social and cranky. It’s hard to deny that when I visible seethe in a slow-moving queue held up by nincompoops.

But the last time I was out in the world, I was calmer, less angsty, and more accepting. And that to find home, you have to sometimes leave home.

So I’m getting on the road again, getting out on my own with a backpack and potbelly for touring companions.

Come November & December, I’ll be out and about in wintery Beijing (to work to work; hie ho, hie ho), scampering on Taiwanese railways, yum-singing at a wedding and dozing on some island in Hong Kong, then back to Singapore.

Yes, it’s about time that I’m out in the world…again.

This driver is a menace…

This idiot stopped his truck by the side and reversed against the traffic flow to turn in to a side lane. it’s just two photos but I think they tell the entire story.

Lookit me, ma! I’m know how to reverse my big ol’ truck! But, but why’s everyone going against me? And beeping at me?

I know how to turn on the blinky signal light! Blink Blink Blink…

Moron.

It’s been a long while……

…since I’ve last posted stuff up. I’ve been…busy working on websites (revamped maxa.sg), social-marketing for clients, falling ill and getting better.

I’m still writing for other clients and taking on other projects. But I realised that I’ve been neglecting this blog of mine which I’ve put a heck-of-a-lot time into building.

Now I’ve made a commitment to myself to blog at least once a week (pathetic, I know). But hey that’s the start of a long road ahead… like what Rod Stewart sang so long ago.

Soooo…. we’re flooded

A flash flood in Orchard Road has gotten the social sphere buzzing like bees. After all, the gahmen has taken steps to drain water away. They’ve also made the bold (and now untrue) proclamation that it’ll never flood, which most netizens have dug up and soundly panned.

I’m actually quite nostalgic about it. As Bukit Timah, when I was a kid, used to be prone to heavy floods that reached up to my waist. I hated it whenever I had to wade from school to home in latte-coloured waters.

Peter Chan, who blogs at http://goodmorningyesterday.blogspot.com/, reminisced…

In 1977, I faced an even more challenging moment when my Mini Clubman was caught in a flash flood along Napier Road, just outside Tyersall Avenue. Tactical “interplay” between clutch and first gear ensured that I got through the flood waters. When I inspected the car, I could squeeze water out of the car seats. No wonder my pants were always damp for next couple of months.

It wasn’t the best of times. While I don’t miss the floods, it was a part of my growing up. How things have changed!

Read Singapore Under Water by Peter Chan for more yesteryear tales.

City Harvest Church member flames netizens

Not one of the smartest moves in light of recent terror threats and JI.

Understandably this church-goer is peeved at City Harvest Church’s financial accounts coming under investigation by the police.

But to retaliate with words that’ll live on in electron eternity? Stupid and you’ll get hauled up for tea with ISD.

Evan:
June 2, 2010 at 12:20 am
To all Douches, Faggs, Arseholes, Hookers and Mentally-retarded low-life individuals who have commented here since,

…

And maybe you ****ers should learn a new word today, “Schadenfreude”.
This word sums up your egotastically diabolical actions that will never amount to anything. GOD WILL ALWAYS COME UP VICTORIOUS !

Read the whole rant at  http://forums.hardwarezone.com.sg/showthread.php?t=2787534

Heh. I love the internet and the loonies that it so often throws up.